Tag Archives: Ke$ha

ADAM’S TOP 40 FLASHBACK: June 27, 2010

“Water” you waiting for? Check out the chart…

It’s the start of another weekend, which means it’s time for another trip back into the archives on Adam’s Top 40 Flashback! Every Saturday, the day before my latest top 40 goes up for the week, I feature the highlights of a past countdown. They’re all here — the hit songs, the songs that flopped, and the songs that may be a little embarrassing to reflect on.

This week, we stroll back nine years and find out what was topping my chart for the week of June 27, 2010…

Debuts:
40. NEON TREES, “Animal”
28. MAROON 5, “Misery”

Biggest Mover:
BRANDON FLOWERS, “Crossfire” (39-31, eight spots)

10. TRAIN, “If It’s Love” (up 2)
Album: Save Me, San Francisco (20o9, Columbia Records)
Peak: #9

09. KE$HA, “Your Love Is My Drug” (up 2)
Album: Animal (2010, Kemosabe/RCA Records)
Peak: #8

08. V.V. BROWN, “Shark In The Water” (down 3)
Album: Travelling Like The Light (2010, Capitol Records)
Peak: #1 for four weeks

07. JACK JOHNSON, “You And Your Heart” (down 3)
Album: To The Sea (2010, Brushfire/Universal Republic Records)
Peak: #2 for two weeks

06. MIKE POSNER, “Cooler Than Me” (steady, third week)
Album: 31 Minutes To Takeoff (2010, J Records)
Peak: #4

05. JOHN MAYER featuring TAYLOR SWIFT, “Half Of My Heart” (up 4)
Album: Battle Studies (2009, Columbia Records)
Peak: #3 for two weeks

04. SARA BAREILLES, “King Of Anything” (up 3)
Album: Kaleidoscope Heart (2010, Epic Records)
Peak: #2 for three weeks

03. ROB THOMAS, “Mockingbird” (steady, second week)
Album: Cradlesong (2009, Atlantic Records)
Peak: #3 for three weeks

02. NICKELBACK, “This Afternoon” (down 1)
Album: Dark Horse (2008, Roadrunner/Atlantic Records)
Peak: #1 for three weeks

01. KATY PERRY, “California Gurls” (up 1)
Album: Teenage Dream (2010, Capitol Records)
Peak: #1 for five weeks

Check back next Saturday for another Adam’s Top 40 Flashback countdown and don’t forget to follow the blog by using the tab below or find PGTC on social media by clicking the “Get Social!” tab at the top of the page.

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Too Cool For Ghoul: A Happening Halloween Playlist

Pumpin' up the pumpkins.

Pumpin’ up the pumpkins.

Alright, all you twerk or treaters, gather ’round because it’s time to crank up the jukebox for this year’s Halloween festivities. Of course, there will be the all-time classics: “The Monster Mash”, “Thriller”, “Werewolves Of London”, etc. Those are just dandy, but how about some more current songs to add into the mix? After all, we’ve got to flavor this playlist sweeter than a bag of candy corn. These ten songs will definitely set the mood for the party, whether big or small. So, if you’re up for some ghoulish grabs from the top of today’s pops, listen to these spooky sounds that the scarecrows and skeletons approve of this eve:

BASTILLE – “Of The Night”
This dark, moody single from All This Bad Blood haunts with strange vocal effects and an eerie set of bells. Released in the U.K. in three weeks, the video (see above) fits the theme perfectly: a series of crime scene investigations and singing corpses. Lovely.

BONNIE MCKEE – “Sleepwalker”
This “inbetwingle” (so says McKee) between her single “American Girl” and whatever her next release is an edgy dance piece created for the zealous zombies of the night: “You wake me up/I was just a sleepwalker/Bring me back to the land of the living.”

EMINEM featuring RIHANNA – “The Monster”
Just released earlier this week, the latest from the dynamic “Love The Way You Lie” duo has a big hook from the Barbadian singer and deals lyrically with the fear and paranoia of the unknown that lies beneath. It’s not very dark, but it’s still powerful.

IMAGINE DRAGONS – “Demons”
First a hit on Alternative radio, this single from the quartet is now all over the popular airwaves, a song that comes from a dark place and flourishes with that pounding beat. Their trademark sound on this and “Radioactive” is tailor made for the holiday.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – “True Blood”
One of the highlights of The 20/20 Experience – 2 of 2, “Blood” takes its cues from “Thriller”, itself a thrilling track with a prominent guitar solo and freaky reversed violin lines. Timberlake attempting to do his best Vincent Price? I will pass on that.

KATY PERRY – “Ghost”
The ballad lifted from her recent #1 album, PRISM, is technically about an ex-lover breaking it off, but the Phantom Of The Popera still lives on and slows down the tempo a bit. While not the strongest song on the album, it won’t soon be disappearing.

KE$HA – “Supernatural”
She just premiered the second season of My Crazy Beautiful Life on MTV last night, and rumor has it there’s a video in the works for this song. This slick pop anthem is all about getting crazy and freaky; I do think she knows a thing or two about that.

MAYER HAWTHORNE – “The Innocent”
“You want it/She’s got it/The innocent are never seen again,” sings Hawthorne on this spooky jam about a mysterious lady about a girl who charms her suitors to the point of no return. Taken from Where Does This Door Go, the album track is hot one.

SIA featuring THE WEEKND and DIPLO – “Elastic Heart”
With a shrill but captivating vocal from both Sia and The Weeknd against a drum-heavy experimental backing, “Heart” has an intriguing and mysterious sensibility to it. Pretty soon, you’ll find it on the soundtrack to The Hunger Games: Catching Fire.

THE KILLERS – “Shot At The Night”
Straight out of the Steve Winwood songbook of catchy 80’s pop ditties, this “Higher Love”-influenced track, produced by the French band M83, is spacey synthesizer heaven. The Direct Hits single is a solid inclusion on here for that groovy get-together.

If you have any more suggestions, feel free to comment below, and follow PGTC by clicking the “Get Social!” tab above or the “Follow” tab at the bottom of this page.

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TURN IT UP TUESDAY: What’s New In Stores This Week (October 8)

Bangin' out the hits.

Bangin’ out the hits.

It’s back to the normal Tuesday schedule this week. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover, so let’s get straight to it! Here are all the releases you need to know about for October 8:

  • She’s twerkin’ for a livin’ and she has this week’s most hyped-up album release by far. It’s Bangerz by Miley Cyrus, featuring the hits “We Can’t Stop” and “Wrecking Ball”. She’s caused just a little bit of controversy this era, and you know what? That will sell it. Look for it to be #1 on the Billboard 200 next week. (iTunes)
  • With their fourth studio album, rockers Panic! At The Disco remark that they’re Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die! The set is led off by “Miss Jackson”, featuring Lolo, a current top 20 single on the Alternative chart. (iTunes)
  • Also ranking high on the rock surveys is Cage The Elephant, the quintet who returns with album Melophobia, featuring the single “Come A Little Closer”. By the way, melophobia is a fear of music, but don’t be afraid to buy this. (iTunes)
  • Rapper Pusha T, one half of duo The Clipse, makes his solo debut with My Name Is My Name. The album features collaborations with Chris Brown, Kelly Rowland and Rick Ross, among others. (iTunes)
  • If you’re going to be at CMJ in New York City like I will be next week, you may get a chance to see these guys at one of their showcases. Irish rockers Kodaline make their debut with In A Perfect World, which features singles like “All I Want” and “Love Like This”. (iTunes)
  • “Never Never” doubt these guys when it comes to some hard-rocking music. That current Active Rock hit from Korn can found on their new album, The Paradigm Shift. (iTunes)
  • Soul singer Lyfe Jennings goes Lucid on his latest album, which features the recent Urban AC hit, “Boomerang”. (iTunes)
  • Singer-songwriter Amos Lee returns with his first album since 2011, Mountains of Sorrow, Rivers of Song. His last release debuted at #1; this will definitely not do the same. “The Man Who Wants You” is the first single from it, currently receiving AAA airplay. (iTunes)
  • In the world of Country music, check out The Voice winner Cassadee Pope‘s Frame By Frame (iTunes), “Sunny And 75” singer Joe Nichols‘s Crickets (iTunes) and superstar Kenny Rogers‘s You Can’t Make Old Friends (iTunes). The Pope release will likely make the largest bow, led by a well-performing Country single, “Wasting All These Tears”.
  • …and it’s October, so where would we be without a few early Christmas releases! (Really, guys?) Out this week are Country singer Gretchen Wilson‘s Christmas In My Heart (iTunes) and a 32-song compilation, Now Christmas (iTunes).
  • Other albums out this week include Alter Bridge‘s Fortress (iTunes), Lissie‘s Back To Forever (iTunes), Mayday Parade‘s Monsters In The Closet (iTunes), New Found Glory‘s Kill It Live (iTunes), Of Montreal‘s Lousy with Sylvianbriar (iTunes), Prince Royce‘s Soy El Mismo (iTunes), Sleigh Bells‘s Bitter Rivals (iTunes), St. Lucia‘s When The Night (iTunes), Vertical Horizon‘s Echoes From The Underground (iTunes) and V.V. Brown‘s Samson & Delilah (iTunes).

New digital-only singles that you can buy this week include:

  • “Change Your Life (EP)”, a six-song release from rapper Iggy Azalea. (iTunes)
  • “Gone (EP)”, from newcomers Halo Circus and former American Idol contestant Alison Iraheta. (iTunes)
  • “Good Time”, the new single from socialite Paris Hilton and featuring Lil Wayne. (iTunes)
  • “Heartbreaker”, the first of ten Music Mondays tracks from Justin Bieber. (iTunes)
  • “High Rise (EP)”, a five-song EP from the Stone Temple Pilots and Linkin Park vocalist Chester Bennington. (iTunes)
  • “Timber”, a collaboration between rapper Pitbull and glitter aficionado Ke$ha. (iTunes)

You can look forward to albums next week from Gavin DeGraw, Paul McCartney, Pearl Jam and more! A full preview is coming in seven.

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TURN IT UP TUESDAY: What’s New In Stores This Week (April 30)

A pirate looks at forty-four.

“Rock” on, Kenny.

Ready to get your country on? It’s not the most exciting week on the schedule, but there’s still a nice selection of new albums out for the week of April 30:

  • His tractor may be sexy, but so are these statistics. Kenny Chesney has accumulated six number one albums on the Billboard 200 album chart, and he’s going for his seventh with Life On A Rock. Lead single “Pirate Flag” recently became his 44th single to hit the top ten on Country radio. Whoa. He should easily take over the top spot next week. (iTunes)
  • American Idol season 11 runner-up Jessica Sanchez proclaims on her new single that she’s “on a planet where the dudes got money and they’re not afraid to spend it”, but unfortunately, they’re not throwing dollar bills at promoting her album. “Tonight” is the first single from Me, You And The Music, which hits stores this week. It’ll probably end up in the top ten. (iTunes)
  • After a title change and an album delay, the new album from rapper LL Cool J is out, titled Authentic. It features a number of collaborations with artists of all genres, including Brad Paisley and Snoop Dogg. (iTunes)
  • Hard rockers Deep Purple release their first album in nearly eight years, entitled Now What?!  They’re best known for hits like “Hush” and “Smoke On The Water”. (iTunes)
  • The soundtrack to future summer blockbuster Iron Man 3 is released to stores, along with an album inspired by the film, featuring songs by Imagine Dragons, Neon Trees, Passion Pit and others. (iTunes)
  • Los Angeles rock band The Airborne Toxic Event put out their third album this week, Such Hot Blood, featuring top 20 Alternative single “Timeless”. (iTunes)
  • Iggy Pop reunites with his band The Stooges on their new album, Ready To Die. It’s their first album together since 2007. (iTunes)
  • He led Cinderella to several top 40 hits in the 80’s; now, lead singer Tom Keifer emerges with his solo debut, The Way Life Goes. (iTunes)
  • Finally, for you 90’s bands enthusiasts, the Spin Doctors are out with If The River Was Whiskey. They may never have another “Two Princes”, but if you’re a fan, I’m sure you’ll enjoy their latest effort. (iTunes)

New digital-only singles that you can buy this week include:

  • “Crazy Kids (Remix)”, a new remix of Ke$ha‘s third single from Warrior, featuring will.i.am. (iTunes)
  • “Hey Girl”, the return single for Country hitmaker Billy Currington. (iTunes)
  • “I’m Alive (Life Sounds Like)”, a great new single from Michael Franti & Spearhead. (iTunes)
  • “Laying Me Low”, the first single from the third album of former American Idol winner David Cook. (iTunes)
  • “Sad Angel” and the rest of Extended Play from legends Fleetwood Mac. (iTunes)

Can Lady Antebellum take advantage of a Golden opportunity and score another #1 album next week or will the Pistol Annies or Rod Stewart get there first? A preview is coming in seven!

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Ready To Pop: Two Songs Gearing Up For The Chart “Life”

Most acts can’t wait to live the life: the life of luxury, fame, excess… and most importantly, the chart life. In fact, quite a few song titles with “life” in them have gone onto notable chart lives, from “A Day In The Life” to “Circle Of Life” and “(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life” to “Spice Up Your Life”. There’s literally hundreds of them. Well, here are two more that are looking to join that elite group and breathe in that airplay, along with some hefty sales.

In Colorado, they "Trust".

In Colorado, they “Trust”.

3OH!3 – “Back To Life”
Release Date: at CHR radio

The duo of Sean Foreman and Nathaniel Motte from Colorado are back once again, but this time, it’s with a more serious tune that you’ll have to hear to believe. Change of pace alert! The boys are known for their more comical and light-hearted tunes like 2009’s “Don’t Trust Me”, which became a surprise #1 on CHR radio that summer. They’ve had four other top-40 singles since then, including two with Ke$ha, but they haven’t been in the top ten on the format since their debut single. The band’s third major label album, Omens, has seen a number of delays, namely due to the fact that their first two radio singles from the effort, “You’re Gonna Love This” and “Youngblood”, bombed. A digital-only single was released in December and I thought that was going to be it from this project. It would be shelved like so many other projects and the group could have been, dare I say it, on the chopping block. However, their label has decided to go with a third single from the album and have settled on a June release date for the full-length CD. Their song is called “Back To Life” and they’ll be riding on this song to do exactly as it says. There’s no brash production and no rapping; it just doesn’t sound like a type of record the band would normally sing. What is this, an Owl City song? Yet, they’ve been put in a tough spot like this, so it’s better to play it safe. It’s cute and it’s commercial. The song’s about partying and having a good time, which isn’t anything out of the ordinary, but it’s done in such a way that the protagonist is reflecting on the past, wanting to relive his memories in the current. He sings, “If the party is dead/We can bring it back to life/Yeah, we can make it through the night.” I suppose that everyone has to mature at some point, even if you think they never will. He observes the noises around him, lists out his regrets, but at the same time, he just wants to be young and have fun. Perhaps the more subdued production and lyrical content (well, at least it’s not as edgy as usual) will help the duo prove that third time is indeed the charm. After all, doing the “Helen Keller” can only last for so long until you have to shut that thing down.

A good day for Mr. "Bad Day".

A good day for Mr. “Bad Day”.

DANIEL POWTER – “Crazy All My Life”
Release Date: at AC/CHR/Hot AC radio (Canada), U.S. date unknown

I’ve been a fan of Powter’s music since he made his major label debut eight years ago. That produced his biggest hit to date, the chart-topping “Bad Day”, which spent five weeks at #1 on the Hot 100 thanks to strong sales and placement as the “goodbye theme” on American Idol that year. He’s released a few albums since then, but he’s been largely reduced to minimal overseas success (mostly in Japan and the United Kingdom) and virtually no attention here in the States. Last year, he issued Turn On The Lights, which was distributed by Capitol Records. One single, “Cupid”, garnered some hot adult contemporary airplay but was largely forgotten about after it peaked. (It was his eighth top ten single on my personal chart.) It did slightly better in his native Canada, where a Christmas remix kept it on the air for some time. With that in mind, the label behind his promotion in Canada, International Solutions (I haven’t heard of it either) is putting out a second single from the underperforming album which sees Powter going in a total opposite direction. I think you’ll like it too. The track is called “Crazy All My Life” (credited as just “Crazy” on some versions of the album), written by John Fields, Bleu (born William McAuley III) and Powter, and produced by Howard Benson. Now, I know you’re tempted to write it off as a Maroon 5 or an Olly Murs ripoff, and I’ll admit it, it does sound a bit like the band’s “Misery” and the solo singer’s “Troublemaker”. However, let’s give the guy some credit. He really wants that second big international hit. He’s bucking a trend, but he does a few other instruments into the mix. Do you hear him plugging away at the piano in the latter third of the song? It’s awesome. OK, but yes, he’s “a mess” since he can’t see his girl and he wants some confirmation about his paranoia: “Tell me you know/That I’ve been crazy all my life.” That’s pretty much the extent of the song, except he explores the idea that she’s “just a fool like me/And you’re feeling crazy too,” and at that point, I can’t deal with two patients who are going insane in the brain. Other than that, I’m really enjoying this song from Powter and hope it can help him to save this era. You wouldn’t want to see him go even crazier and have a worse day, right?

Which song is more likely to live on the charts this spring and summer? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter: @AdamFSoybel.

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RADIO REPORT: What’s Hitting The Airwaves This Month (January 2013)

Every month, dozens of singles are sent to radio and are put up for adds, meaning that stations can choose to put them in rotation and they’ll be reported to airplay services like BDS and Mediabase/Media Monitors. Not every new single gets an adds date, but many do. I’ll be shifting through everything from my music sources and highlighting some of the top songs being sent to their respective formats. Record labels start packing on the releases on the next few weeks, so here’s a sample of what’s hitting the airwaves in January 2013:

Hungry like the wolf.

Hungry like the wolf.

CHR (Contemporary Hit Radio)
The terrific twosome of David Guetta and Sia are hoping that lightning does strike twice for their new collaboration, “She Wolf (Falling To Pieces)”. This is not the same song that Shakira released in 2009, even if the main titles are the same. “Titanium” hit the top five for the pair back in August. Already a top ten hit in the United Kingdom and all across Europe during its release in the Fall, it goes for adds on January 8. That’s also the same day that Ke$ha‘s “C’mon” goes for adds, though it’s already firmly in the top 40 after first single “Die Young” was decreased or dropped by many stations following the Newtown school shooting two weeks ago. (See my full post on that topic.) A video will be released soon. Olly Murs looks to score his second hit with “Troublemaker”, featuring rapper Flo Rida, the last of the January 8 adds date singles. It’s my pick of the week, already up to #3 on my personal chart, and making sold gains at radio (currently #38 and building) with early adds on big name stations like Z100/New York City. Murs recently hit the top spot on the U.K. Singles Chart with the song. His album, Right Place, Right Time, is out in the States in April. (More here.) Finally, there’s “How To Be A Heartbreaker” by Marina & The Diamonds, the followup to “Primadonna”, which just dented the top 40 several months ago. She’s profiled in the same article as Murs is.

Two songs take to the airwaves during the next week, January 15, both by performers with underwhelming debut singles and even more subpar second releases. Teenage singer Austin Mahone has teamed up with rapper Flo Rida on “Say You’re Just A Friend”, which samples the Biz Markie classic from 1990. It’s just a bit of a mess, vocally and sonically, although it looks like there’s a little more money going into it than his debut single, “Say Somethin'”. Don’t expect a high placing for it. (Check out a more in-depth description of it here.) Worse, however, is “C’mon Let Me Ride”, a double entendre laden track by Skylar Grey and Eminem. By some accounts, it’s meant to be a joke song. I’m not quite sure, but how do you go from the hook of “Where’d You Go?” by Fort Minor (credited as Holly Brook) to this? You can’t convince me that Queen actually approved clearance of the sample. It’s appalling, and thus, the CHR programming gods command thee to go back to more serious songs because this little ditty you got here is not working. An album is likely coming from the performer this spring.

Finally, on January 29, OneRepublic goes to CHR radio with “If I Lose Myself”, the second single from their album, Native, which is released in March after being pushed back a few times. It’s a pretty decent track that’s likely to be another big hit for the group. I recently did a full review of the song, which you can view here.

They've got passion in their pit and they ain't afraid to show it.

They’ve got passion in their pit and they ain’t afraid to show it.

Alternative and Adult Album Alternative (AAA)
Already top 40 on the Alternative chart, Boston-based Passion Pit looks to score another hit from Gossamer with “Carried Away”, an 80’s-synthesizer jam that may just be the next hit from an advertisement. It’s the followup to “Take A Walk”, which recently went top ten on the format. I’ve been listening to it quite a bit in the past few days and I’m really loving it. It officially goes for adds on January 8, along with “Inhaler” by Foals, who have had limited success on the U.K. Singles Chart. This one recently peaked at #50 there.

January 15 brings us a whole bunch of releases at Alternative radio, including the latest from Bullet For My Valentine, “Riot”. It’s not my cup of tea, but if you have a hard rocker in the family, they’ll probably enjoy this one. Shiny Toy Guns returns with “Somewhere To Hide”. I really enjoyed their 2007 release, “You Are The One”, and this is another solid record for the band. (P.S. Can you believe the singer on this #41 Hot 100 single from the fall of 1991 now plays guitar in the band? Not like I’d remember a song that was out when I was 1, but it’s a cute Pop track.) Rockers The Airborne Toxic Event are looking for their fifth entry on Alternative radio with “Timeless”. Of their four so far, two have hit the top ten: “Sometime Around Midnight” in 2009 and “Changing” in 2011. Lastly, there’s “Keep You” by the new group Wild Belle. You may recognize their song from its placement in the movie Pitch Perfect. Who wouldn’t want to capitalize on the success of it? We’ll see if it helps the group in the long run.

RCA Records is preparing two singles to go to radio during the next week: “Harlem” by Danish act New Politics, their first single in two years and “The High Road” by Three Days Grace, the second single from Transit Of Venus. Recent single “Chalk Outline” hit the top 15 on the Alternative chart. The third single from Papa Roach‘s album The Connection is also released on the date, entitled “Before I Die”. Then, on January 29, look out for “F— You” by Bad Religion, another hard single from the punk band, and “Two Fingers” by Jake Bugg. He’s been generating a lot of buzz over his native United Kingdom after his album debuted at #1. The singles haven’t done particularly well over there, but they may do something here. (You can find more on Bugg here.)

Over at Adult Album Alternative, a new one from Best New Artist nominee Alabama Shakes goes for adds on January 8, “Hang Loose”. Matt Costa also returns on the date with “Good Times”. The Neighbourhood, who went for Alternative adds with “Sweater Weather” back in December, also go for adds this week with the song at the AAA format. The band Stars release “Give It” the following week, along with Tristan Prettyman‘s “Say Anything”, and look for Bugg’s song at Adult Album Alternative on the same date it goes to Alternative.

That’s it for this month’s Radio Report. See you in February for even more releases.

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If Only… The Christmas Songs Left Off The Record (A Parody)

Wrapper's delight.

Wrapper’s delight.

Your holiday playlist may be filled with lots of Christmas standards, but unfortunately, the A&R department over at Santa’s music HQ didn’t approve these could-have-been classics. Alas, with a little bit of fun and imagination, we can remember these ten songs left on the cutting room floor.

ADELE – “Rudolph Has It”
Off her cancelled Christmas release, 25, this foot-stopper of a track, producer by Ryan Sledder, maybe just have broken up the reindeer when they found out that Rudolph was stalling the sleigh from leaving the North Pole. Bless his nose, he’s really got his head in the clouds, and this one got a head-start at being chopped off the tracklisting.

BRUNO MARS – “It Will Reindeer”
An alternative remix from the film soundtrack to Twlight: Breaking Down, in which the weight of Santa’s sleigh becomes too heavy to handle, this moody track sets the stage for a bummer of a holiday when Dominic The Donkey couldn’t join the lineup in dragging the sled full of toys. If you want a more upbeat track, check out his newest release, a frustrating romp for presents entitled “Locked Out Of Walmart”.

CARLY RAE JEPSEN – “Coal Me Maybe”
With a hit song that was just about as catchy as the common cold, this Christmas remix about a girl who really wants her bad boy elf is enough to send her straight back to Canada. Trust me, it’s not always a good time. Better load up on the medicine.

DEMI LOVATO – “Give Your Hearth A Break”
Lovato had a starring role as a judge on The X Factor this year, but the girl needs to give it a rest with factoring in all the decorating. It’s campier than Camp Rock and that is saying something. She is certainly a Disney girl no more.

FLO RIDA – “Mistle (Toe)”
“Whistle” may have made “Ring My Bell” look tame, but “Mistle (Toe)” is ringing all the bells once again as Flo raps about the holidays in Dade County. Just watch out when the mistletoe is hanging real low, low, low, low. You’ll turn right round and that’ll be something else.

FUN. – “Some Flights”
Ever waited countless hours at the airport for the flight home for Christmas? Listen to these horrible tales from the group of crying children, no leg room and cheap programming on the overhead pull-out television. Most flight attendants, they don’t know any more. Civil War reenactment not included.

GOTYE featuring KIMBRA – “Somebody That I Used To Noel”
Talk about “The Worst Noel”. This duet, with lyrics more loaded than fruitcake, will give you a punch as hard as the three glasses of eggnog you just wolfed down. Yes, they did have to cut you off; at least the tree was trimmed already.

TAYLOR SWIFT – “We Are Never Ever Getting Ugly Sweaters”
Instead of tearing her boyfriends to pieces this holiday season, Miss Swift will have to pull out fiber by fiber her most hated Christmas gift. Even if people don’t know her fashion sense, she’s sure got a whole lot of cents to make up for it.

Bonus cuts:
KE$HA – “Do You Hurl What I Hurl?”
An annual Christmas anthem turned twisted, this hammered hit would’ve quickly compensated for all the radio stations that are dropping “Die Young”. Don’t you wanna hear what the barefoot girl said to the mighty police officer? This song’s about to blow. (I first mentioned this one on a blog last year.)

ROD STEWART – “Da Ya Think I’m Santa?”
He makes a whole album of Christmas songs and he can’t even sing this gem? From the top album of the season, this track, marrying the disco strings of the late 1970’s with a children’s choir, would’ve been the dance hit that ruled the airwaves. Unfortunately, he’ll have to settle for another round of “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow” for a few more days. Bah humbug.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this look back at these songs that will never happen, but hey, maybe a little wishful thinking and a letter to ol’ Saint Nick could help the process along a bit. You’ll be seeing many of these titles, in regular form, of course, on my year-end chart, being posted right here on the blog starting tomorrow. Until then, happy shopping! (Merry Christmas, too.)

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